Book Recommendations

Just a short note to recommend some great books when you need more help:


These books really do  hit on many of the issues you encounter when raising your grandchildren.

I highly recommend them. You can find them all on Amazon, just follow the link below.



http://www.amazon.com/Grandparents-Parents

Happy Holidays to Everyone

It comes every year, right on time......the holidays!!!!  When you are the parents/grandparents of two boys it brings a whole new meaning to this entire month.  Last year the tree was small and the house was decorated a little, I didn't really worry too much about doing anything more, after all it was just me and Amy and we were both so darn busy.

This year is a whole different story. Not only is it Amy and I, it is Cody, Cole and now Nick. Three teenage boys with lots of different taste and needs.  Nick has come to us as a result of his friendship with the boys.  He was here for a week before I realized he really did not intend to leave.  His parent has never contacted me to find out where he is and really doesn't seem to terribly concerned.  I really don't know how long he will be with us, but it does add another dimension to our lives.  The boys decided to move rooms so that the two younger ones had the bigger room and the older (Cody) now has a room of his own. This they decided to do in the middle of the tree decorating...boys!!!!

Financially this year is a big challenge, how do we provide a nice Christmas on such a limited budget?  We started early but we have made certain they understand that funds are not there for all the things we would like to gift them.  I know they understand but it is hard to not want all the cool things they would like.

We are so lucky to have the boys with us and it really doesn't matter about all the other stresses. WE will do what we can do, and Christmas will come and go.  Our love for them and their love for us is the only gift we really need and that will go on long after the holidays are only a sweet memory.

It is my wish that all Grandparents and their Grandchildren have a beautiful holiday and to remember the important things in life is not THINGS but the LOVE you give and get.

Happy Holidays

  Jessie, Amy, Cody, Cole, Nick and the three puppies: Furby, Agnes and Roxy

This is so absolutely frustrating!

I have been doing a lot of thinking about this subject this week.  We are moving quickly into the Holiday Season and this brings up a lot of "what do we do" questions.  The boys parents expect them to eat with them on Thanksgiving but have no plans for preparing the dinner. Do we fix it and send it with the boys to their house? Do we just tell them they have other plans?  How do we let the boys know it is their decision and whatever they choose we will stand behind them.

Never did I think I would be dealing with these types of conundrums at this stage of my life. The parents are in bad shape and the recovery is not going well. I feel responsible for them as well as for the boys but it is impossible to take on all of the problems of both families.

My daughter and I are trying to plan for Christmas and to make sure the boys are comfortable and secure.  We can't buy them everything they want and I know they understand but the securing of home and warmth and food is so important to them and I hope they have clarity on the costs of providing these to them.

There is nothing I would not do for them, but I will be the first to admit it is difficult.  I talk to my contemporaries who are traveling and enjoying their empty nest while I spend many days just trying to catch up on the laundry.

This is such an epidemic and is tied to the heroin epidemic in our area and I can see no end to these problems that are being caused by this drug on our society and the children of those who have fallen into the dark pit of addiction.  We are trying to find a way to put Dad into a residential facility for recovery, but all he talks about is that his wife can't be left alone. He is afraid she will kill herself if there is noone there to help her.  The older grandson has the same fear and wants to stay with her if he goes in. This may seem like a great solution, but it puts him back in the center of those who are using drugs and the neighborhood is so bad that I would fear for him.  She won't stay with me because I won't tolerate drugs in our home and there doesn't seem to be any resources to help with all these problems. Putting them both into rehab would be great! We can care for the dog...that is the easy part. If only there was a magical pill to solve all these problems....NOT HEROIN, just a happy solution.

This is enough venting for one day, but I am so frustrated and frightened by this whole issue. My daughter is a rock and helps with the boys and with their parents but she is as unsettled as I on this issue.

My Kingdom for a Personal Driver with a Special Car

Guess what?  Football season is over for the high school and after a short week break we are full into wrestling.  I had forgotten how much time is taken up with these activities.  Rides to and from practice, day long meets and clinics.  It seems to be never ending.

Every time I ask, "Where's Cole" the answer is wrestling, he is always at wrestling.  Thanksgiving weekend when everyone is supposed to be shopping there is a Saturday mandatory practice.

Now I do understand how important extra curricular activities are to the high schooler and when I was raising the first batch of kids it was band, baseball, Demolay, Girl Scouts, Cub Scouts and other clubs, so this should not have come as a surprise to me when the boys became involved.

I know I will survive wrestling but I also know at the end of the season it will be all about Track. Then immediately summer football and it starts all over.  Maybe it is time to give in and let him start work on his driver's license.

The down side to that is I will be stranded without a car and who (in my position) can afford another car with the attendant expenses of gas, insurance, maintenance.  How do we deal with all of this?

In all honesty…..we just deal.  There is no way I would ever deny them their activities but somedays I would just love to curl up in my pi's and let them find out what it would be like without Gran and Aunt Amy as their personal chauffeurs.

   As I wander through the melange of information on the blogs about Grandparents who are now the "parents" of their grand and even great-grand children I ran across this particular one that I would like to share.  This writer really hits the nail on the head when she talks about our identity being so connected to the children we are now raising.  I am Cody and Coles Grandmother even though I am also a Mother, College Student, Writer and Independent Thinker…..all in this order.

Email Me

BY KAREN BEST WRIGHT

         

When Raising Grandchildren Becomes a Grandmother's Identity

By Karen Best Wright  |   Submitted On March 04, 2010

I LOVE YOU FROM THE EDGES: 

Lessons from Raising Grandchildren (available on Amazon.com)

         

It is alarming to read so many emails from grandmothers who state that the grandchildren they are raising give meaning to their lives in a way they did not have before. They admit that their grandchildren have become their entire lives and raising them is what gives their lives purpose. I admit I am just as guilty, so this is no insult to anyone, just an observation. One sweet grandmother recently wrote me, upset. She suffered from some form of disability and when she began raising her grandchildren three years ago, her life was renewed. Raising them became her identity and meant everything to her. The problem is now after three years, the children are returning to their father. She is devastated. Not only is she losing the children that feel like her very own, she is also losing her identity. This is an extremely painful experience, as I am sure all grandmothers know who have experienced this.

I have experienced this first hand myself. After my grandchildren went back to their mother after seven years, the depression and loss was almost more than I could bear. I lost 20 pounds, which I did not need to lose, and I found pleasure in nothing, absolutely nothing. I did not plant the raspberry bushes I had bought. They dried up in the purchased containers. I did not even pick the vegetables that I had planted. Everything just withered away. I went away for a couple of months hoping to recover. I did not feel better. I had lost my purpose. I mean I had totally lost my purpose for even existing. I knew I must have another purpose, but I could not see it. I existed that way for months, several miserable months.

I have made this statement several times and I will state it again. "God knew all along this was going to happen, even if I didn't." Obviously if you find yourself in this situation, it is vital that you find out who you are and what your purpose is that does not rely on being a mother, grandmother, spouse or something similar. Those things can change and then you are left not knowing who you are or why you still exist. Many of you will not have the same difficulty but this is written for those of you who do or might find yourself in this situation.

I do not have all of the answers, but I am painfully learning. I believe it would be much healthier if we did not get ourselves in the predicament in the first place. That is easy to say but hard to do. As women it is very easy to have our entire lives center around our children or grandchildren. In one sense that is what we want to do, but then when things are taken from us we may feel alone and useless. When we are middle-aged and are thrust into the world of raising small children again, it is hard to be focused on multiple pursuits besides raising the children. We are exhausted, aching, and perhaps overwhelmed. But we love our grandchildren and want to make up for everything that may have been lacking in their lives. It may totally consume us. Then we neglect ourselves.

That is the question. How do we not neglect ourselves while we care for these precious children? I could give a list of pat answers but each woman is an individual and each circumstance is different. Fortunately for me I did still have clients that I do work for over the Internet. I would force myself to keep contact with them and do what I needed to do, but sometimes there would be days that I never even went out of the house (plus the winter has been tough). So I became deficient in Vitamin D and became more depressed. Supplements helped with that.

So whether we are still raising our own children or are raising our grandchildren, we must not lose sight of who we are as individual women. Besides raising grandchildren, we must learn and like who we are as just a person. As for me at 56, I would like to get really good at something. I mean "really good" at something that does not hinge on the fact of whether or not I am thin or heavy, pretty or plain, healthy or not healthy, a wonderful mother or grandmother or a terrible one, a happily married woman or single and lonely. Since I am healthy, I most likely (unless something horrid happens) will live another 40 years. That is plenty of time for me to improve my identity. I just wish I had not neglected it over the past seven years.

Karen Best Wright, B.S. Community Health Education

I am a mother of 8 grown children and a grandmother of 10 grandchildren. I raised three of my grandchildren for almost 7 years before they returned to live with their mother. I experienced first hand the joys and tears of raising grandchildren. Now I am simply Nana to all ten grandchildren.

I am an independent consultant helping professionals market their websites. I am a project manager and specialize in organizing and writing website content and search engine optimization. I specialize in the Senior Health Industry. I also write about grandparenting, and Health and Wellness, one of my biggest passions.

http://www.RaisingYourGrandchildren.com

[http://www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com]

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