I have been doing a lot of thinking about this subject this week. We are moving quickly into the Holiday Season and this brings up a lot of "what do we do" questions. The boys parents expect them to eat with them on Thanksgiving but have no plans for preparing the dinner. Do we fix it and send it with the boys to their house? Do we just tell them they have other plans? How do we let the boys know it is their decision and whatever they choose we will stand behind them.
Never did I think I would be dealing with these types of conundrums at this stage of my life. The parents are in bad shape and the recovery is not going well. I feel responsible for them as well as for the boys but it is impossible to take on all of the problems of both families.
My daughter and I are trying to plan for Christmas and to make sure the boys are comfortable and secure. We can't buy them everything they want and I know they understand but the securing of home and warmth and food is so important to them and I hope they have clarity on the costs of providing these to them.
There is nothing I would not do for them, but I will be the first to admit it is difficult. I talk to my contemporaries who are traveling and enjoying their empty nest while I spend many days just trying to catch up on the laundry.
This is such an epidemic and is tied to the heroin epidemic in our area and I can see no end to these problems that are being caused by this drug on our society and the children of those who have fallen into the dark pit of addiction. We are trying to find a way to put Dad into a residential facility for recovery, but all he talks about is that his wife can't be left alone. He is afraid she will kill herself if there is noone there to help her. The older grandson has the same fear and wants to stay with her if he goes in. This may seem like a great solution, but it puts him back in the center of those who are using drugs and the neighborhood is so bad that I would fear for him. She won't stay with me because I won't tolerate drugs in our home and there doesn't seem to be any resources to help with all these problems. Putting them both into rehab would be great! We can care for the dog...that is the easy part. If only there was a magical pill to solve all these problems....NOT HEROIN, just a happy solution.
This is enough venting for one day, but I am so frustrated and frightened by this whole issue. My daughter is a rock and helps with the boys and with their parents but she is as unsettled as I on this issue.
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
My Kingdom for a Personal Driver with a Special Car
Guess what? Football season is over for the high school and after a short week break we are full into wrestling. I had forgotten how much time is taken up with these activities. Rides to and from practice, day long meets and clinics. It seems to be never ending.
Every time I ask, "Where's Cole" the answer is wrestling, he is always at wrestling. Thanksgiving weekend when everyone is supposed to be shopping there is a Saturday mandatory practice.
Now I do understand how important extra curricular activities are to the high schooler and when I was raising the first batch of kids it was band, baseball, Demolay, Girl Scouts, Cub Scouts and other clubs, so this should not have come as a surprise to me when the boys became involved.
I know I will survive wrestling but I also know at the end of the season it will be all about Track. Then immediately summer football and it starts all over. Maybe it is time to give in and let him start work on his driver's license.
The down side to that is I will be stranded without a car and who (in my position) can afford another car with the attendant expenses of gas, insurance, maintenance. How do we deal with all of this?
In all honesty…..we just deal. There is no way I would ever deny them their activities but somedays I would just love to curl up in my pi's and let them find out what it would be like without Gran and Aunt Amy as their personal chauffeurs.
Every time I ask, "Where's Cole" the answer is wrestling, he is always at wrestling. Thanksgiving weekend when everyone is supposed to be shopping there is a Saturday mandatory practice.
Now I do understand how important extra curricular activities are to the high schooler and when I was raising the first batch of kids it was band, baseball, Demolay, Girl Scouts, Cub Scouts and other clubs, so this should not have come as a surprise to me when the boys became involved.
I know I will survive wrestling but I also know at the end of the season it will be all about Track. Then immediately summer football and it starts all over. Maybe it is time to give in and let him start work on his driver's license.
The down side to that is I will be stranded without a car and who (in my position) can afford another car with the attendant expenses of gas, insurance, maintenance. How do we deal with all of this?
In all honesty…..we just deal. There is no way I would ever deny them their activities but somedays I would just love to curl up in my pi's and let them find out what it would be like without Gran and Aunt Amy as their personal chauffeurs.
As I wander through the melange of information on the blogs about Grandparents who are now the "parents" of their grand and even great-grand children I ran across this particular one that I would like to share. This writer really hits the nail on the head when she talks about our identity being so connected to the children we are now raising. I am Cody and Coles Grandmother even though I am also a Mother, College Student, Writer and Independent Thinker…..all in this order.
BY KAREN BEST WRIGHT
When Raising Grandchildren Becomes a Grandmother's Identity
I LOVE YOU FROM
THE EDGES:
Lessons from Raising Grandchildren (available on Amazon.com)
It is alarming to read so many emails from
grandmothers who state that the grandchildren they are raising give meaning to
their lives in a way they did not have before. They admit that their
grandchildren have become their entire lives and raising them is what gives
their lives purpose. I admit I am just as guilty, so this is no insult to
anyone, just an observation. One sweet grandmother recently wrote me, upset.
She suffered from some form of disability and when she began raising her
grandchildren three years ago, her life was renewed. Raising them became her
identity and meant everything to her. The problem is now after three years, the
children are returning to their father. She is devastated. Not only is she
losing the children that feel like her very own, she is also losing her
identity. This is an extremely painful experience, as I am sure all
grandmothers know who have experienced this.
I have experienced this first hand myself.
After my grandchildren went back to their mother after seven years, the
depression and loss was almost more than I could bear. I lost 20 pounds, which
I did not need to lose, and I found pleasure in nothing, absolutely nothing. I
did not plant the raspberry bushes I had bought. They dried up in the purchased
containers. I did not even pick the vegetables that I had planted. Everything
just withered away. I went away for a couple of months hoping to recover. I did
not feel better. I had lost my purpose. I mean I had totally lost my purpose
for even existing. I knew I must have another purpose, but I could not see it.
I existed that way for months, several miserable months.
I have made this statement several times
and I will state it again. "God knew all along this was going to happen,
even if I didn't." Obviously if you find yourself in this situation, it is
vital that you find out who you are and what your purpose is that does not rely
on being a mother, grandmother, spouse or something similar. Those things can
change and then you are left not knowing who you are or why you still exist.
Many of you will not have the same difficulty but this is written for those of
you who do or might find yourself in this situation.
I do not have all of the answers, but I am
painfully learning. I believe it would be much healthier if we did not get
ourselves in the predicament in the first place. That is easy to say but hard
to do. As women it is very easy to have our entire lives center around our
children or grandchildren. In one sense that is what we want to do, but then
when things are taken from us we may feel alone and useless. When we are
middle-aged and are thrust into the world of raising small children again, it
is hard to be focused on multiple pursuits besides raising the children. We are
exhausted, aching, and perhaps overwhelmed. But we love our grandchildren and
want to make up for everything that may have been lacking in their lives. It
may totally consume us. Then we neglect ourselves.
That is the question. How do we not
neglect ourselves while we care for these precious children? I could give a
list of pat answers but each woman is an individual and each circumstance is
different. Fortunately for me I did still have clients that I do work for over
the Internet. I would force myself to keep contact with them and do what I
needed to do, but sometimes there would be days that I never even went out of
the house (plus the winter has been tough). So I became deficient in Vitamin D
and became more depressed. Supplements helped with that.
So whether we are still raising our own
children or are raising our grandchildren, we must not lose sight of who we are
as individual women. Besides raising grandchildren, we must learn and like who
we are as just a person. As for me at 56, I would like to get really good at
something. I mean "really good" at something that does not hinge on
the fact of whether or not I am thin or heavy, pretty or plain, healthy or not
healthy, a wonderful mother or grandmother or a terrible one, a happily married
woman or single and lonely. Since I am healthy, I most likely (unless something
horrid happens) will live another 40 years. That is plenty of time for me to
improve my identity. I just wish I had not neglected it over the past seven
years.
Karen Best Wright, B.S. Community Health
Education
I am a mother of 8 grown children and a
grandmother of 10 grandchildren. I raised three of my grandchildren for almost
7 years before they returned to live with their mother. I experienced first
hand the joys and tears of raising grandchildren. Now I am simply Nana to all
ten grandchildren.
I am an independent consultant helping
professionals market their websites. I am a project manager and specialize in
organizing and writing website content and search engine optimization. I
specialize in the Senior Health Industry. I also write about grandparenting,
and Health and Wellness, one of my biggest passions.
[http://www.BlogforHealthyLiving.com]
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/3872286
Monday, November 17, 2014
Sometimes we think we are the only ones with issues. I know that many Grandparents in the United States are in financial difficulty, but I found this article from England. Check it out.
MAIL ONLINE
+2
MAIL ONLINE
Grandparents
who look after children whose parents have died, fallen ill or cannot care for
them to get new rights including paid leave
·
From
next year adoptive parents will be entitled to paid leave
·
PM
said this new right could be extended to grandparents
·
They
currently get a 'raw deal', according to David Cameron
Grandparents who look after children whose parents have died,
fallen ill or are unable to provide adequate care could be given parental
rights to paid leave, the Prime Minister has said.
From next year adoptive parents will be entitled
to nine months of paid leave.
David Cameron said yesterday the Conservatives
may consider a manifesto commitment to extending this new right to grandparents
who become the guardians of their grandchildren.
Prime Minister David Cameron has said some
grandparents could be given parental rights to paid leave
They currently get a 'raw deal', according to
the PM.
He said: 'You do see sometimes grandparents
stepping in and effectively bring up children, and of course under the rules
they don't get quite the same rights as others.
'What you are saying is that if you can extend
to adoptive parents things that birth parents have in terms of rights, couldn't
you do that for grandparents?
'That is something I am very happy to look at in
terms of the manifesto, and we have got some Conservative MPs here who have got
some responsibility for giving me ideas, so I am sure they will take note of
it.'
It is estimated that more than 200,000
grandparents become their grandchildren's carers when parents die, become ill
or because of drug and alcohol abuse.
They are often unwilling to adopt or foster the
children because they do not want to 'paint the parent out of the picture'.
+2
It is estimated that more than 200,000
grandparents become their grandchildren's carers when parents die, become ill
or because of drug and alcohol abuse (file picture)
Campaigners want paid parental leave to be
extended to grandparents, as well as four to six weeks of unpaid leave during
the 'crisis' period while children are settling in and are being kept out of
care.
Last year a pensioner won the right to be
treated as her grandson's foster mother.
The woman from Derbyshire, 68, who has been
looking after the 13-year-old since he was a baby, went to the High Court after
learning she would receive twice as much financial support if she was a
stranger.
Share or comment on this article
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2728467/
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Sexting......It is a Teenage Epidemic
In this day and age of social media we don't worry so much about the Playboy magazines hidden under the bed, now it is what is on the phone, the computer, the IPAD and all the other electronics that they may have access to. Many times we have had the "talk". Respect the females in your life. Know that your actions reflect your attitude. People will judge by what they perceive you think or do.
I had hoped this would forestall any of these calls from the principal but alas this was not meant to be. How did we handle this issue. First the phone, take it check out the contents and make him earn it back. Second more talk, what can happen if he has possession of such material when he turns eighteen, child pornography is a crime. Third work with the school for an appropriate punishment.
This turned out to be a one day suspension and a day of cleaning the leaves from the gutters, stowing away the summer equipment, raking the leaves, doing the dishes, running the vacuum and generally just slave labor for a day. Did this work? No one really knows for sure. I just know this type of sexting is at epidemic proportions in our society and it is critical that you keep checking to insure your teenagers isn't taking and posting nude pictures of themselves, receiving pictures from their friends and finally positing them on social media sites.
The boys were one step away from the sheriff and the main perpetrator is expelled from school. Mostly I worry about what happened with the young girl. How must her parents and grandparents feel and what can they do to help her understand the damage that was done by this picture.
This article really shows the issue with real numbers:
Teenage Sexting Statistics
In a recent survey posted by The National Campaign, some alarming statistics about teenage sexting were uncovered. Sexting seems to be the newest craze among teenagers and it is a very dangerous craze. Sexting is when a person takes a flirtatious, nude or semi-nude picture of their self and sends it to others through their cell phone or other means of texting device.
Should parents be concerned about sexting? Yes, especially when you read some of the sexting statistics below. Kids are sexting to people they only met online, they are sexting to boyfriends and girlfriends or potential companions. Some of the teenagers are sexting out of peer pressure. Some just do it for fun. But they are doing it and a parent needs to be aware of the potential dangers of sexting.
Not only can sexting ruin reputations, but it can also get your teenager arrested for distributing child pornography. This has happened quite frequently lately as you can see by some of the news stories about sexting. The images also get circulated on the Internet. Parents need to monitor their kids cell phone very closely. Cell phone monitoring can be done either physically or with the help of a software service like Mobile-Spy Or WebWatcher.
Here are Some of the Shocking Sexting Statistics:
The percent of teenagers who have sent or posted nude or semi-nude pictures or video of themselves:
- 20% of teenagers overall
- 22% of teen girls
- 18% of teen boys
- 11% of young teen girls ages 13-16
The percent of teenagers sending or posting sexually suggestive messages:
- 39% of all teenagers
- 37% of teen girls
- 40% of teen boys
15 Percent of teenagers who have sent or posted nude or seminude images of themselves say they have done so to someone they only knew online.
48 Percent of teenagers say they have received such messages
71 Percent of teen girls and 67% of teen guys who have sent or posted sexually suggestive content say they have sent or posted this content to a boyfriend or girlfriend.
21 Percent of teenage girls and 39% of teen boys say they have sent such content to someone they wanted to date or hook up with.
44 Percent of both teen girls and teen boys say it is common for sexually suggestive text messages to get shared with people other than the intended recipient.
36 Percent of teen girls and 39 % of teen boys say it is common for nude or semi-nude photos to get shared with people other than the intended recipient.
51 Percent of teen girls say pressure from a guy is a reason girls send sexy messages or images; only 18 % of teen boys cited pressure from female counterparts as a reason.
66 Percent of teen girls and 60% of teen boys say they did so to be “fun or flirtatious”; their most common reason for sending sexy content.
52 Percent of teenage girls used sexting as a “sexy present” for their boyfriend.
44 Percent of both teen girls and teen boys say they sent sexually suggestive messages or images in response to such content they received.
40 Percent of teenage girls said they sent sexually suggestive messages or images as “a joke.”
34 Percent of teen girls say they sent or posted sexually suggestive content to “feel sexy.”
12 Percent of teen girls felt “pressured” to send sexually suggestive messages or images.
See More Sexting Statistics. Hint: It isn't getting any better.
from: http://www.pcsndreams.com/
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